Could it just be wishful thinking?

“How do I know if it’s my intuition or just something I’m making up in my head? It could just be wishful thinking, right?”

This is a question I am asked often.

The direct answer is to follow a structured and practiced approach to learning the unique language of the intuitive voice to distinguish it as separate from the analytical mind. Then, and this is the tricky part, learn how to arrive at an accurate interpretationof the intuitive messages you hear.

Winging it doesn’t build trust in our intuitive intelligence. Practice does.

However, when I listen closely to this question, my attention is instead drawn to the vulnerable, tentative heart asking:

“Am I safe to trust myself? What will happen if I do? Will I have to pay a price, and will it be worth it?”

How and when do we learn to dis-trust ourselves and our inner wisdom?

Early and often in such subtle ways, it’s easy to overlook, disregard, and move on.

In our day-to-day lives, cultural expectations tell us what we should do.

Social pressures make us second-guess whether we’re doing things the right way. We are all subjected to these influences.

A traumatic experience can shatter our sense of safety and scramble our inner compass to discern who and what to trust.

But these don’t carry as much weight and impact as those from the people closest to us: our family, friends, and partners, whose love we don’t want to risk losing.

When our thoughts, choices, experiences, and feelings are frequently questioned, dismissed, ignored, or worse, mocked, it can eclipse our perceptions, favoring those of the people we rely on for love and safety.

It’s those subtle, barely detectible rips and tears at our sense of inner knowing, quietly accumulating over time, that chip away at an inner safe place to trust our intuition.

A parent, best friend, or partner who believes they know better what is right or true for you than you do can plant the seeds of self-doubt.

I still cringe when I recall the times I have, unintentional though it may be, yet still guilty of, doing this to others, as well as the pit in my stomach when I have been on the receiving end of it.

My 24-year-old son was trying to decide when to move from Little Rock, where he has lived for the last three years, to New York City. This was a big step for him.

He had already decided to move, but the timing of it held meaning for him. He intuitively knew this to be true and he had to honor it.

He had worked hard to start a life of his own after college. He successfully navigated a tough job with a steep learning curve and heartbreaking personal challenges. He missed his friends and family but he was proud of the growing trust in himself and the home he created. He needed time to appreciate all that he had accomplished, to take it all in.

He was comfortable with giving himself the space to know when he was ready to go.

Apparently, I was not. I thought he should move sooner rather than later.

In a conversation about his plans, I asked if he had made his decision yet. He replied, “This is my home.”

Overlooking what might be going on inside him and what he meant by the meaning of home, I interrupted with a firm and dismissive, “No, it isn’t.”

As soon as the words flew out of my mouth, I felt terrible. The arrogance of them shocked me. He immediately retreated inside himself. He fell silent.

At that moment, he questioned himself instead of me. It didn’t feel safe to honor or share his intuitive truth.

As a single event, this could appear benign. With an apology from me, we both moved forward.

But it clearly illustrates how these moments, when experienced repeatedly, create a breakdown between us and our inner intuitive knowing. We begin to lose faith in it and are more likely to seek the haven of our analytical mind.

How often have you had an intuitive thought, experience or feeling that on the surface appeared irrational, improbable or impractical only to be bullied with:

• That’s ridiculous.
• You don’t know what you are talking about.
• You’re crazy.
• You’ve got to be kidding.

Or the subtle ones spoken with an undermining tone:

• I just want what’s best for you.
• You are not thinking clearly.
• You’re being too emotional right now.
• Are you sure you know what you are doing?

The good news is, we can learn to regain trust in our intuitive voice. Here are some steps to get started:

•  Sit and quiet your mind. You can meditate or simply listen to your breath. A calm nervous system allows us to release the energetic emotional clutter inside that drowns out the inner voice.
• Quietly say hello to your inner self. That might sound silly but give it a try. Adopt the stance of consciousness of a child in kindergarten when there was little delineation between reality and your imagination.
• Ask a question of your higher self. Start with a simple one like: How am I doing?
• Then let go. Let it be effortless. Taking yourself too seriously is a slippery slope to self-doubt.
• Let the response flow. Intuition speaks in metaphors, symbols, sounds, and sensations, so expect those ratherthan complete sentences.
• Censor nothing. If you want to build trust in this process this is an important step. Everything you hear, feel, see or sense is relevant, no matter how crazy it seems.
• Stay open and be curious. This will help you stay neutral to the input from your intuitive intelligence and uncover more of it. It also helps with reaching an accurate interpretation.
• Take notes, preferably in a notebook in which you can track your sessions. If what you pick up seems odd, it will likely make sense later.
• To harness and trust our intuitive intelligence is to heal the pain and isolation of self-doubt and achieve the seamless flow, joy, and grace of intuitive living.

As the hustle and bustle of the holiday season arrives, my wish for you is to, above all else, remain true to yourself and trust your inner wisdom. In it, you will find peace and safety.

With deep love and gratitude,

Shawna

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